Jane's Blog - Page 77 of 93 - Jane Porter | New York Times & USA Today Bestselling Author

No Foolin

April 1, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

I’m in my own special writing place, a place that is hellish and yet oddly comfortable as I seem to spend lots of time here, wondering what I’m writing, wondering where this is going, wondering how I can possibly pull yet another rabbit out of the hat. An even harder feat when you’ve got no hat (or plot).

Or likeable characters.

But there is someone lovely and witty and wise with something interesting to say. I don’t often post links to other blogs but this one touched me so much. Susan Wiggs (one of my favorite authors and inspirations) is celebrating her twentieth ‘birthday’ in the publishing industry. Read her blog, check out the photos and know that there are few people I admire more than our very own Puget’s Sound Susan Wiggs: click here.

Bad Ass Mom

March 29, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

What does a bad ass mom do after she’s had a really bad day?

Apparently, she blogs about it and then she wraps her work up early so she can take her kids to a 5 o’clock showing of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles followed by a robust Italian dinner at Maggiano’s.

It was a smart move on this Bad Ass Mom’s part. I don’t know if the boys like the movie, but I did. I’ve always had a thing for cool fighting turtles. And this version of TMNT was rather violent but it was definitely a day for the good guys (aka Ninja Turtles) to triumph over evil. And sometimes I don’t like all the kicking and fighting but I was into it yesterday. Go Leonardo! Get him, Raphael! Fight, Michaelanglo.

So next time you’re feeling kind of blue and out of sorts, go see some turtles who won’t take any crap from the bad guys. I can (almost) guarantee it’ll make you feel better about yourself.

This morning I woke up grateful to be alive, and:

1) Not green

2) Not a mutant

3) Not forced to live with ‘Master’, a teacher rat that makes you kneel everytime you enter the room

Life is good, and you know, we’re going to be okay.

One For The Book

March 28, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

I took one for the book yesterday. That’s my positive spin on my disaster yesterday.

I fell apart. I did. I still feel like I’m apart, like pieces of me are flipping and flopping around Bellevue.

Last night after a very hard day I took kids to one of our favorite restaurants, a place we’ve gone for years…in fact, we were among their first customers…and when we asked if we could sit at a particular table my boys love we were told there it was a table for four.

We’ve sat at this fun table for years, and because my former husband was in a wheelchair, we couldn’t get up the steps to this table when we were with him so we’d just do it when it was Jane and the boys.

So last night when we asked if we could sit there (the restaurant was empty since it was 5:15 and we’d gone early to get fast service) and we were told no, I fell apart.

I started to cry. Really cry. The kind of crying adults don’t do in public. The kind of crying that makes you think someone’s just died.

I don’t know if its the stress of my current book deadline. I don’t know if its fatigue fall out from my weekend in Reno participating in the Nevada Women’s Expo, but I looked at the ladies who manage the restaurant and said, ‘I’m a single mom. There are only three of us in my family. Do you mean we will never be able to sit at that table again?’

The lady said yes.

And I just cried harder.

It’s not as if I can’t go back there (but how can I, after bawling like that and being so upset about their new policy?) and it’s not as if I don’t have other restaurants to visit, but this one was our place as a family, and this one felt like home.

But home changes. We change. And maybe that’s why I cried.

Maybe I cried because I don’t want society defining my family for me.

Maybe I cried because here in Bellevue I feel like one�s got to be part of a �traditional family� to matter.

Or maybe I cried because I’m a crazy lady in need of serious meds.

Animal Farm

March 22, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

I’ve been told by my children that pigs are the most highly intelligent (farm?) animal there is, with an estimated intelligence equal to that of a three year old child. This has me disturbed at several levels, not the least being bacon and ham, or my beloved pork chop casserole. Frankly, the idea of eating an animal that thinks like a three year old makes me not want to eat pig anymore. And this is coming from a woman with a hefty German ancestry.

But on the other hand, when I look at my children, who often seem to function only at the level of a three year old, cannibalism doesn’t sound so bad.

My boys have been displaying new behaviors that include writing mean notes and signs about each other and taping them onto their bedroom doors. What makes this very fun is that their doors face each other and they can see the signs each time they enter the respective room which creates a constant state of tension and frustration.

Then there is the matter of their clothes. They leave their clothes in heaps in the bathroom. Take a bath, strip and leave the clothes. Take a shower, strip and leave the clothes. Wake up in the morning, strip. Go to bed, strip. Go to the bathroom, strip. (I know, this last one puzzles even me but he’s part chimp I think and can only go #2 naked.

The same thing happens with school backpacks and shoes, coats, and socks. Walk in the door, drop coat, dump backpack. Kick off a shoe. Kick off another. Peel off a sock. Later remove the other.

And this goes on. Day in and day out and I love my children, I do, but there are times I just look around my house and feel like I live with pigs.

Fortunately, the boys have a built-in self preservation system at work. As soon as I trip over Jake’s size 8 basketball shoes, or stumble across another heap of Ty’s discarded clothes, my youngest son shouts, ‘I love you, Mom’. Smart kid. He knows I can’t yell at him just after he’s reminded me of his love and affection.

And it works.

Too bad pigs can’t talk.

Internet Mama

March 21, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

I’ve lost it. I’ve gone over, into the far side, the world of internet addiction. In the course of four days I am now a member of MySpace and the newish site called CafeMom.com which is a place for moms to hang out and it’s cool, far more my speed than MySpace but minus the diversity.

The addiction started with me adding my own B-Board to my website, and then it spread to, ‘Oh, so many cool authors have a myspace page, I should have myspace, too.’ And then that became this whole other thing of inviting authors and virtual strangers to be ‘my friend.’ On one hand it’s kind of neat to see my pals faces and books show up on my space but then when I started to send my boyfriend a ‘be my friend’ invite I got a weird feeling. He’s my boyfriend. We share a house. A bedroom. A bed. Do I really have to ask him to be my friend? Isn’t that just a little too creepy?

While racing around posting comments and asking folks to add me (I finally get the lingo now…I’m supposed to say ‘thanks for the add’ in the comments section, not ‘thank you for being my friend’ but for those of you who have me saying ‘thank you for being my friend’ please know I’m not absolutely pathetic, I just didn’t have the right language yet) I saw an add for another site called www.cafemom.com.

Well, I’m a mom, and I seem to have a perverse need to be liked at this point in time and to communicate with total strangers and so I joined cafemom, too. I’ve been working on my profile, personalizing it with some red color and a couple tiny photos. I don’t know why the photos are so small. Maybe the younger moms still have good eye sight? Maybe we don’t really want other people to see our kids? Not sure, but I was so busy there today that I actually started my own group tonight.

That’s right. I am now a group moderator over at cafemom (why? why? why?) and the group is for romance readers and lovers of romance novels (including chick lit, women’s fiction, mom lit, etc) and they didn’t have a group for romance readers there. They had groups for everything else. Including how to have hot sex, how to be a hot mama, how to breastfeed (and no, that’s not under the spicy topic category, that’s really a parenting topic). They had a couple other book groups but nothing fo romance novels so ta-dah! I made it. I did it. And I’m the only one in it.

So, if you’re a mom, and if you like reading fun books and if you feel sorry for me having a romance reader book group that no one is in, do check it out and know that even I fail miserably over there (why again am I doing that when I have my own bulletin board????) I was, once upon a time, a book club leader.

Holiday From Me

March 20, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

I don’t want to be a girl. Not today. I’m actually thinking of taking a holiday from being female. It just makes sense.

Being female is just way too much work. It involves too much emotion. And the feelings! So many feelings. Feelings everywhere. Just like snails and slugs after a heavy rain.

Now here’s the thing–emotion’s fine. It connects people, makes them feel all warm and fuzzy inside (unless its the kind of emotion that makes you want to hurt people but that’s another story) but it takes so much out of women. Emotion ties us all up, makes us feel all crazy and needy and ridiculous and I think it’s time to play boy.

Boy means I can throw things at cars, into the streets, against peoples’ houses. Boy means I can sigh heavily when females talk. Boy means I don’t have to listen because I already know the answer and girls use too many words anyway. Boy means I don’t have to say sorry but just grunt something and move on. (Apologies are so over-rated in the boy world). Boy means I can act like I’m the expert even if I’m only just reading the training manual.

No, I don’t hate boys. Or men. I actually envy the way their brains compartmentalize. I envy their ability to detach. I envy their focus on the here and now.

I’d like some of that focus right now, please, as well as a huge heap of detachment.

I’m ready for a twenty-four hour holiday from me.

Tuesday Update

March 13, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

Love that wonderful diary entry title. Fascinating subject header, isn’t it?

Okay, creativity isn’t my high point right now. In fact, creativity seems to be a low point, along with my low energy. I thank my latest cold bug for that, as well as the very disorienting doses of Sudafed. What is in Sudafed, Actifed, Sinus Cold and Allergy, Tylenol Cold anyway? (And no, I’m not taking them all at one point, or even more than one tablet in 12 hours, but I’ve tried everything in my desperate search to find a decongestant that doesn’t make me dizzy and sleepy.)

However, colds and foggy head aside, I’m feeling good right now.

My new website bulletin board is up and running and you’re invited to check it out. No more sneak peeks. Feel free to lurk, post, or ignore. The B-Board is on the upper right hand corner of every website page and its there so I could chat with all my friends, and they could chat back.

Speaking of friends, I’m flying to San Diego tomorrow night to attend the NINC conference which officially kicks off Thursday morning with an all day workshop by creativity guru Eric Maisel. I’m anxious to get some more insights into writing as well as the act of creating. And those friends? My buddy Lilian Darcy is flying in from Australia and so is the fabulous historical author, Anne Gracie. These women are brilliant and if you haven’t read them yet, do. Lilian writes short and long contemporary romance for Harlequin and her characters and stories are among my favorites. She’s been nominated for gobs of awards because she’s so good and I’m not just saying it because she’s my friend. And Anne Gracie, what can I say about her historical romances other than get out and buy them because she’s so gifted, so very talented, and she’s an incredible reader, too. When she recommends an author or a book, I run out and buy.

But that’s not all that is waiting for me in San Diego. Mr. Delicious–okay, that sounds very pornographic–let’s try, Mr. Dangerous is flying in from Hawaii to meet me at the airport. That’s right, my very own surfer Ty Gurney is flying in to San Diego for two and a half days with me. And I’m so glad. I need to see him. I’ve missed him. It’s been two weeks since I last saw him but its been especially hard this time. There are times the distance isn’t a big deal but lately, with my colds, and my barely there energy I’ve needed my guy.

And now I’ll see him, and my friends, and attend a great little conference, too.

Everything’s perfect. Except for that one teensy weensy little problem.

My current book. It’s due in two weeks. And I’m only on chapter 2.

Ssssh. Don’t tell my editor. She thinks I’m almost done.

And really, doesn’t it sound more positive when I put it that way?

PS Uh, side note….the B-Board isn’t linking off my Blog page right now due to a few technical difficulties that will hopefully be fixed soon. So for now, to access my B-Board, go ‘Home’ and click on B-Board from there. That does work!

Challenges & Cliffs

March 11, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

Lately there have been bumps in my day, bumps that could very easily become a source of aggravation. But instead of being annoyed or aggravated, I’m choosing to make these bumps opportunities. Perhaps the thing I’d imagined or hoped for didn’t pan out, but maybe that’s good. Maybe I now have the chance to learn something else, something new.

The truth is, we don’t often see the world as it could be, rather, we see the world as we’ve become accustomed to seeing it. And growing up (I so prefer that term to ‘aging’) often narrows our world view, as well as our perception. We might get more clarity, but we also get more rigid. We dig in our heels and insist we can do this, and we can’t do that, or we won’t do that, and that’s the part of me–the part of life-I want to change.

I don’t want to be the perfectionist that won’t, or can’t, try new things, and won’t adapt to new situations. And every time I write something new, or put myself in a challenging environment, I give my brain a chance to grow.

I read recently a quote by the actress Cate Blanchett: ‘I’m always looking for the next challenge. I don’t see a point in embarking on something unless it seems impossible.’

I love that. And maybe I don’t want everything to be impossible, but I love the thrill of starting something new, something difficult, and accomplishing it. Maybe the process isn’t always comfortable, but the end results are worth it. And what are those end results? Confidence. Enhanced self-esteem. And oh, yes, bragging rights.

And if we do master something difficult, we should brag. It’s okay to brag. Guys do it all the time.

My New Internet Baby

March 10, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

It’s not officially live. I’m supposed to wait until Monday night or Tuesday to let everyone know but I can’t wait. I’m too excited. I have something new that’s arrived at my website and I love it and have to share.

I have a brand spanking new bulletin board on my website and its there for you, my friends, my family and readers. It’s also there for me to talk to you, but also for you to be able to talk to each other. I receive hundreds of emails every month and you all say such amazing things and I wish you knew each other. I wish I even knew you better. And that’s what the bulletin board is for. It’s a place you can chat with me, a place you can sound off, a place where you can make friends. It’s my internet home and it’s now yours.

As I said, the BB isn’t fully visible on my website yet but will be there for all to see on Tuesday morning. But, if you’d like a sneak peek now, click on this link and then in the upper right hand corner, click on ‘B-B’ for Bulletin Board:

http://www.janeporter.com/bookshelf/_frog.html

You’ll notice that I’ve begun posting, and once you register (yep, you can register now! ) you can post now, too.

I’m really excited about my new ‘baby’ and I hope you’ll find it fun, entertaining, and heart warming. My readers are amazing people, just the best people, and I’m hoping my BB will let me chat with you more as well as talk about the things that you’re interested in.

Do check it out (and finally I’ve a place you can discuss my JaneBlog!) and let me know what you think.

Yours,

Jane

Thoughts We Think

March 6, 2007 by Jane · Comments Off

In the old days I never heard compliments, only criticisms. For most of my life I concentrated on that which I did wrong and that which I’d failed. If one reader didn’t like a book, I lingered over the nasty email or online review while skimming the glowing ones. Somehow the nasty, the mean, the harsh and the punitive meant more. Somehow anything good or loving wasn’t as valuable.

Why? Was I really so bad? Was I really so awful? Did everyone else somehow know the truth about me???

Now I ask myself, what was I smoking? Crack?

I was never bad. In fact, most of my life I’ve been a desperate over achiever, people pleaser and I needed approval, I needed everyone�s approval because I didn’t approve of me.

Thank God I’ve gotten over that craving for approval. What a headache! What a chore, and a bore.

I’m into good thoughts these days. I’m into compliments, laughter, good wishes, good friends and fun. I’ve never worked harder but I don’t mind. I’m working hard because I want the challenge, not because I�m afraid of failing, and sadly, that’s what drove me before. I was always trying to prove myself, prove something, anything, I just didn’t know what.

Today I live differently, today I’ve kicked the perfectionist out. She can’t live in my house anymore (although I do sometimes see her camping out on my doorstep) and she can’t torture me with everything has to be just right anymore because there’s no way I can be perfect, or you can be perfect, and there’s no such thing as right, either.

What I ask myself now is, do I want to feel good, or do I want to feel bad? It’s honestly that simple.

I want to feel good.

I don’t have to be the suffering artist to write great stuff. I don’t have to be suffering anything. Suffering is highly over-rated. And besides, we’ve all suffered, we’ve paid our dues, and we can live better, live happier, live calmer, more peaceful, more joyful lives.

So, this is what I do now: every time one of my kids (usually its my younger one) draws me a picture and writes ‘I LOve YoU’ under it, that picture goes up on my new ‘Happy Board’ which is on the wall next to my novel’s idea board. When I get a photo of me with my Surfer Ty, the photo goes up, just like when he sends me a short email that’s sweet, it goes there. If I read something cool in the paper, I tear it out, pin it on the board. When I see a gorgeous floral arrangement in a magazine, that pic goes up, too. The board has ribbons from the Rita ceremonies, cartoons from papers, my list of goals and dreams. Basically the board is to remind me of all that is good and beautiful, all that I love, all that love me, and all that I want to achieve and do and be.

Until fairly recently I’d turn in a book and worry it was crap. Okay, I still worry that its not great, but now when my editor tells me that its fantastic, or brilliant, or something else warm and wonderful, I print it off, write it down, put the praise on my board where I can see it and remember that I do good. That I do great. That there’s no reason to think anything but positive thoughts, no reason at all to worry and criticize and fear and dread.

My board is a reminder that all I need to do is live and love and write.

Happiness isn’t hard. Happiness is actually quite easy. Happiness is just the thoughts we choose to think.