It’s three in the afternoon and I’m sitting at the Chicago airport again, now waiting for my flight to Seattle. I’ve got a couple more hours before we board and I’ve eaten a bacon cheese hamburger and drunk a diet coke in hopes of trying to calm my stomach. Maybe oatmeal would have been better. I ordered oatmeal this morning from room service but was too busy, too tired and a little too stressed to actually make myself sit down and eat it. So coffee it was until now.
Speaking’s getting harder.
I’m finding it takes more energy and more courage and more everything to pull off what I once did rather easily. I think I’m tired. No, I know I’m tired. Maybe that’s what made Bozeman so fun. I didn’t have to give a speech. Instead I hung out with Kari and her friends and family and just relaxed. But then it was easy to relax when Kari and her husband Collin, and Kari’s friend Lori Dawkins (and her husband Dale) did all the work. It was nice to be spoiled like that. Usually the only time I get spoiled is when my surfer guy’s around so being pampered in Bozeman was a treat.
Newport, RI was also a treat, though, just in a different way. It’s such an amazing place to visit and I couldn’t get enough of the history, the water, the boats, the mansions. My only wish is that I’d had more time there. Well that and the company of Ty Gurney. I would have loved to have gone on one of the ghost tours with him. It would have been cold at night (I was freezing during the day!) but fun and romantic because I would have clung to him like mad.
The only real negative to crisp cold Newport is the fact that I looked 100. I’d forgotten how wrinkled I get in cold weather.
Then this morning I spoke, and you know, despite having notes and things to say, I was really really nervous. I had butterflies the size of pigeons beating around my insides. I don’t know why, either. Maybe I’m getting too serious in my talks. Maybe I’m sharing too much about my life. Maybe I’m just not entertaining anymore.
Clearly it’s time to stay home and write.
Or time to stay home and sleep.
Or time to get on a plane and go to Hawaii.
Oh yeah. I’m doing that Thursday this week.
Jane,
You sound like you need a break:) Altough I bet no one even notices all the things you said that needed improvement. We are our own worst critics, aren’t we? Have a great and safe trip to Hawaii on Thursday, it sounds like you need to relax and surf a little:)
Cindy’s right. You’re just tired and you are your worst critic. I’m sure they loved you and everything you said. Hang in there. Almost home now. 🙂
Just a few more days and you can take off for warmer climates (wind storm expected here on Monday morning so you’re not going to love the weather when you get home!) but once you’re with Surfer Ty, you can totally relax, unwind and enjoy the sun!
Jane, first of all, thank you for sharing your expertise and your life with the “Manic Mommies” group in Newport. You were both inspiration and entertaining (and you have beautiful hair)… don’t be so hard on yourself! I loved your honesty, your courage in “taking off the mask,” and for who you are. Unconditionally. “Icky” reviews and all – who among us doesn’t look/feel/act her best daily?? Welcome to our circle of friends… your spirit and your story moved us. Don’t question yourself, just go with your heart… that’s what you taught us yesterday, right? 🙂
I am sorry to hear you are feeling burned out–you need a break! But Hawaii is next, right? That will be fabulous. I am sure you are looking just as beautiful as always & sounding as interesting and inspiring as you did in Bellevue. Take care!
Jane, I know you did a great job in Chicago, because you always do. I hope you have fun with Ty the surfer man, and we’ll all see you when you’re back again.