I can’t write a blog. I’ve thought about writing a new blog. I’ve almost–twice–in the past few days sat down to write a new blog but the fingers won’t type. The brain’s not firing anything anymore. And I’m afraid of posting how blah I am because someone might perceive that I’m down, and I’m not down.
What I am is sleepy.
And a wee bit homesick for the old Jane, the one with energy and ideas and creativity and passion. The Jane that I inhabit now is big and beginning to get crazy back pains and eyelids feel perpetually weighted as though I didn’t get enough sleep and frankly, I’m sick of talking about pregnancy and being pregnant. I’m sick of having little on my mind but getting the remodel finished so baby has a room and oldest son has a room and I am dying to get the crib out of storage and the new crib sheets washed and the newborn clothes washed. I want to get on with life, to the next stage of it as right now this feels like an elephant pregnancy–endless–and I’m ready to have my mojo back.
I need my mojo back.
As at this point, I don’t have a book, and I’m not actively writing. I don’t know why I don’t write. I think I’m just too busy yawning.
But happily, cold is gone and the crazy, busy, long weekend of 3 days of all day water polo games at the Spring Siesta Tournmanet is over, and Surfer Ty arrives late Thursday night for a handful of days. I’ll be so glad to see him. Hopefully he can find food for us for dinner and maybe I can get him to rub my back where it aches and fingers crossed all our doctor appointments a week from today will be good. Our Mac is a really little baby and while doctors aren’t ‘worried’ they keep wanting to see us and measure Mac and chart his growth and it gets me anxious. I feel Mac moving all the time, which is good, but enough with the ultrasounds and appointments. I just want him out and in my arms where I can see him and hold him and know that he’s okay.
Maybe this is where my mojo’s gone. To making Mac.
In that case, losing my mojo’s a beautiful thing.
27 Comments / Add Your Comment →
not so bad losing your mojo to making mac. i’ve lost mine today due to a head cold- yuck!
You know what you need…a pregnancy massage, or a pedicure, or a shopping spree? Maybe it’s just a box of peeps that you need to pull yourself out of the blah’s. Whatever it is, I hope you find it and are able to shake off the “blah’s”!
Glad to hear baby Mac is doing well and active!
You’re so good you blog even when you “can’t blog”.
Go back to your yawning or take a much-deserved nap. Your mojo will return.
Keep growing that sweet baby Mac!!
Sending a warm cup of good thoughts….
You may feel like your mojo is gone, and if it has gone to Mac…then that’s a good place for it to be…However, you have not lost your personality!! I sympathized but also laughed at how you are too busy yawning! I remember feeling like my pregnancies were longer than everyone elses!! And I felt like I was an elephant carrying the child due to size and time!! Are there any little things that make you happy? You know aside from peeps? Although I miss your blogs, I am happy to hear that you are taking it easy…you should, you deserve it, Jane!
Take care and if there is ANYTHING I can do, you know where and how to find me!!
I was like this with my second son. I didn’t think it would ever end. He ended up being a week late but was well worth it. Your mojo will come back in full force just hang in there. Have a great day.
I know that you are going through right now. It seems like you are looking for a little normalcy in your life. I know you have kids and everything but when Surfer Ty comes , try and do something just for you, read a book, drink some tea, take a bath, anything that makes you feel good and back to your normal self. Regarding the pregnancy, just hang in there it is almost over. Before you know it you will be holding that beautful and healthy baby. I wish you rest and the peace of God.
Jane you have been in my thought for awhile now. Since you had not started a new blog since St. Patricks Day I have been wondering if all was okay. My heart hurts for you. Wish I was there to give you a hug and bring you some bright, smiling spring flowers.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Consider yourself hugged! XO
I’ve been so tired since the new time change and I don’t even have a Mac to look forward to. Now that spring is here and we’re seeing the sun alot more, you will get all that energy back…you’ll see.
See? A blog post almost in spite of yourself.
Priority #1: You and Mac. Anything else can take a number.
Personally, water sports exhaust me. All that watching and heckling drains me completely like that (imagine sassy snap of fingers here). Phew.
Bye bye cold! Hello health and Spring! Though over NJ way, we had snow on the first day of Spring. Which kinda makes sense, like the state giving us all our own personal “Psyche!”
Rest well friend. Enjoy your men and let them pamper you fully.
Yes, it is beautiful and you are beautiful. Does anyone who hasn’t carried a child know how you loose yourself and become a vessel, hollow except for the life growing inside? A magical vessel that expands to fill as needed, just as your heart expands to fill with love – a reverse Grinch, in effect. The heart grows at least two sizes, more than that for someone like you with two children already and so many others you love and give so much of yourself to. What you have given us, your fans and readers, is tremendous; so Jane, take a break and take it easy because all you have given has drained you for now, and you need to rest and be a calm vessel. You will recover your energy and drive, because you are still that “old Jane” but she is not in the forefront for now. Good luck on the appointments and hope the back rubs make you feel better.
Just wanted to say the same thing happened with me and the doctors wanted to constantly measure my boy b/c he seemed a bit small. He was born healthy and happy (and yes a little on the small side) in January and is now growing by leaps and bounds.
So I know how hard it is to say don’t worry, but don’t worry! My husband pointed out that even a few years ago, the doctors probably would have shrugged their shoulders and said “oh well, you’ve got a small baby” instead of the constant ultrasounds and the end result would be the same. Take care of yourself so you’ll be able to take better care of Mac when he gets here.
You are almost there and you will have a beautiful baby. Get out and take a stroll around the neighborhood. It will do you a world of good. Spring is in the air!!
Thinking about you.
I had a similar problem with my son. They called it irregular growth retardation or something scary, and I was tested wekly (as my husband says, up to the maximum allowable by Blue Cross)abnd he was born at 5 lbs, induced at 38 weeks.
And he is 9 and perfect! And no longer small!
I think others are right, obstetrics is sooo high risk for being sued that at times they are so careful it could freak you out.
Sleep all you want b/c…ummm….it may be your last chance for many moons!
You are writing a blog. The thoughts that you are putting down, is really a blog. You write about your life, which include your writing and your family. You always ask people to respond or what they think. You just do it a couple times a week. That is a Blog. See you do have your mojo, it’s just your mojo touches a lot of mom and readers.
Jane, you always have something to say even when you think you don’t! I always look forward to reading your blog even if it’s about nothing! You are writing and I love reading it!
Kick your feet up and relax! You deserve it and being happy while you wait for Baby Mac!!!
Hang in there. I know it’s hard to slow down when you’re use to being busy. But it sounds like your body wants you to (slow down). So just relax and stay home and enjoy getting Mac’s room and clothes ready. It will be fun to do when surfer Ty is there. I bet he will love doing it with you! There’s time later to write more. But I love your blog posts as-is including about how it feels being pregnant ie: sleepy and missing your old life. It’s so honest and real. Have a nice time with surfer Ty!
I hear you. Hard to keep your chin (and eyelids) up towards the end. Small word of advice: if that kind of thing is important to you, stay on top of coloring your roots and leg stubble. My #3 decided to arrive three weeks early, and all my lovely hair color and legwaxing plans went out the window – which may sound shallow, but hey, a highly pregnant lady is entitled to try and exercise control over those parts of her appearance that she still can. Those first baby photos will live forever(with you in them).
I hope you’ll get lots of extra rest. After all, I’ll bet Mac can’t wait to see you, too!
We’ll hope to see you sometime soon, and are always thinking of you.
Julie (and Eric)
Jane….Jane……Jane..it’s okay. We expect you to take a break from the blog. Don’t you have enough? 🙂 We will be okay while you sleep and rest and take care of Mac. Enjoy your time with Surfer Ty..
I remember when I was pregnant I did not feel creative at all and wasn’t interested in writing (just about the only time I wasn’t!) I felt all my creativity was going toward making that beautiful new baby–one of whom just turned 19 today!
Your mojo will be back soon–attached to a brand new baby! And good things come in small packages–mine was only
5 lbs 15 oz at birth.
If you have lost your mojo because of little Mac, that is not a bad thing. My baby was also small and is 19 now and doing quite well. They do grow really fast.
I am just getting my mojo back because I have had a really bad cold and just getting over it.
When pregnant with my second child I remember reading in a parenting magazine in a waiting room that the second and any subsequent pregnancies are 30 weeks too long… I totally agree! The first is neat because everything is new, but by the time my fourth rolled around, enough already!!!
We love reading your blog, even if you don’t think it’s blogworthy. Take care of yourself, and since your other two are older at least until Mac arrives you can nap pretty much at will. And if your doctors aren’t worried, keep in mind that small babies grow… my son was my smallest at 6 lbs 13 oz (an okay size), but he grew 10 inches in his first nine months, was consistently in the top three for height until he was 15 and topped out at 6’2″ (two of his shorter friends had him by age 17). As long as Mac is healthy things will work out.
Enjoy your time with Surfer Ty.
rest up! you will write later. you’re right, you need this creativity to create the baby! Dont worry, they thought my first baby was small and she was 8 lbs 4 ounces (3 pounds larger than they said!!!) my other one they thought was huge, and she was smaller, LOL They can see somewhat, but just keep a good thought, its not how big he is but how well developed his lungs are etc. It will be ok.
Hi Jane, I was wondering what had happened to you. You had been quiet too long and we missed hearing from you.
Maybe soon where you live spring will arrive. That does wonders for your mood.
I have been feeling down and afraid some because I found out I need surgery. I am thinking I will have it done after my daughters graduation in May.
Just incase it takes me more time to bounce back.
You try to think happy thoughts and get yourself some more Peeps. Just snacking on them should make you smile.
You take care, this feeling will pass.
The mojo will return, it’s coming. You’re gearing up for the nesting stage, when you’re doing all the – getting ready for baby – stage.
I can’tthink of Peeps with out thinking of you!
If your mojo has all gone to Mac it’s good! Your body is working hard to make that boy! I remember being so tired. Crap 12 years later I am still tired! (today is my second child’s 12th b-day!) And that is so fabulous that Mac moves so much! My two never moved enough for me.
I am sure you miss Surfer Ty too and that takes a big toll. And the entire atmosphere of the USA although hopeful is just tired.
Take care of yourself and baby Mac! I know all will be well!
Baby Mac is a growing baby boy and it takes a lot of energy to produce all that perfection wrapped up in cuteness. Have a protein shake and put your feet up. Tomorrow is another day closer to baby Mac’s birthday.