I love writing about being a mom. Motherhood isn’t for the faint of heart as this, one of my favorite mom-oriented blogs, shows:

Today’s Special: Humble Pie
originally posted to the JaneBlog on February 17, 2006

I love my kids, I really do. They’re different, and very entertaining. Growing up in theater, I always enjoyed watching rehearsals–the drama, the staging, the frustration, and then the excitement of opening night. Living in my house is like living with a small theatre troupe. I really never know what’s going to happen but it’s always going to be big.Big tears. Big fights. Big scenes. It’s always big around here and so are my headaches.

The kids are nudists, and I can say that here right now because they don’t know I have a blog and they don’t know (yet) to check and see if I’m writing about them (again). One day I won’t be able to do this (as much), or at least without being cut out of their lives, so I might as well spill my guts now.

Back to the nudist colony. They love being naked. They play chase naked. They um, Greco-Roman wrestle, you know, naked. And I don’t have curtains and I’m sure the neighbors have had an eyeful more than once and probably really like it when we all go away, on vacation, and stay away, on vacation.

The other thing my theatre troupe does that stresses me–besides the fighting (oh, why do boys like to hit so hard?!? why isn’t a little push enough? why does it have to be a series of Gladiator-ish deaths?) is the gaseous quality of our lives. If it’s not a belch, it’s a burp from the other end and the bigger they get, the more the different ends go. Why? How can gas give a male so much pleasure?

Lastly, my greatest enjoyment is conversing with the kids, and that’s because they’re funny. And honest. And if you put the two together, very very painful.

Ten year old Jake doesn’t ever really hit below the belt…so hard. It’s my 7 year old Ty that just goes for the jugular and doesn’t let go. Like earlier today. I’d showered, put in my contacts, done my hair, dressed and actually did the whole make up thing and I was feeling pretty.

Yep, pretty darn good. And you know, that’s always when you get your extra large serving of humble pie.

My Ty comes, sits on my lap wraps an arm around me. I beam at him. Feeling pretty, oh so pretty and– ‘Mom, when are you going to cover those marks on your face?’

Not so pretty, not so pretty. ‘What marks?’

‘The ones there.’ He makes a circling motion over my face.

I pat my cheek. ‘I put on make up. Didn’t I cover the marks?’ (Thinking, my acne isn’t flaring up, is it?)

‘No, the marks you fix with injections. (he pronounces it indecutions) You indect it with a needle and smooth things so you look better.’

Oh, he’s talking about my crow’s feet. ‘Do I have a lot of wrinkles around my eyes?’


‘Is it that bad?’


‘Are you serious?’

‘Yeah. Do the injections. It’ll make smooth skin, like on Oprah.’

He’s suggesting I get Botox.

He smiles, gets off my lap. His job is done. ‘Get your shots.’

I smile weakly. Okay, son. Thanks. I’ll get right on that.

What’s not to love about my kids?

To all the mothers out there: what do you enjoy most about your kids? What are some of the funny things they’ve said?  Do you write them down or just hope you’ll remember?


  1. Hey Jane: I remember that blog and so thoroughly enjoyed it and today reading it I got goose bumps again. I love it and I love it when you write about your boys. They are so hysterical. Now I raised girls. My youngest being 29 now. I can remember when she was six and I took a different route to my parents house and passed by the college I attended. So I said hey girls look over there -that’s where Mommy went to college to which the younger one answered “AND IT’S STILL STANDING”!!
    I love kid stories – the innocence, the honesty, the brutality.

    Best to all and kisses to Baby Boy Mac

  2. I have to say that I respect his honesty… but hate that the media affected him already at that age.

    I hope you are feeling pretty today. 🙂 Glowing in motherhood.

  3. When my Ty was just under 2 years old and just starting to experience the joy of checking out every public washroom everywhere we went (restaurants, grocery stores, etc.), we were out for lunch one day and he told me he had to go pee. I seriously doubted it, because he had just gone 20 minutes earlier at London Drugs, but we trooped off to the bathroom anyway. He tried and tried and tried, but no go. Then I decided I would go too while were were there, and in the crowded restaurant washroom he blurts out, “Mom, you have a big butt!” Hahaha. I wasn’t the only one who laughed out loud.

    They do say the most fantastic things, and I wish I wrote more of them down!

    Thanks for the vintage Jane blogs…timeless!

  4. Thanks for repeating this post. Botox?! Ugh…was he up late watching an infomercial or a 20/20 report? Nothing like a little brutal honest to send you to your knees.

    I always say I should write things down, but I don’t. I hope I will remember them someday. My favorite time with my two (girl 10, boy 7.5) is when they are playing together. You know, cooperating, pretending, agreeing. Sometimes it seems so seldom and I long for it. Sometimes it stares me right in the face and I have to splash a little cold water on my face to see if I’m dreaming!

    Hope you’re feeling all the mommy love today!

    Shannon in Tustin

  5. My almost 10 yr old tells me all the time I am beautiful even with all my pimples and marks and no makeup…mental note to self…must wear makeup as often as possible, especially in company of little ones:) I know she means it as a compliment but it just doesn’t come out that way!! Some of the things the kids say are so darn funny that I don’t have to write them down…they are stuck in my mind no matter what!

    Gotta love my kids!

  6. kids! they drive me nuts, but love them with my life. your anecdote reminds me of the time when my youngest was 5 (she’s now 17) who in all charm and innocence asked me: since I have gray hair, was I as old as Grandpa? I dyed my hair the next day.

  7. My little boy is five and he says some of the funniest things ever. One evening in the tubby he was inspecting his twig and two berries. Lol. And he was thoroughly enthralled with the berries, having given the twig a good inspection. After a bit my husband told him to stop playing with his “nuts”, to which he looke startle and completely disgusted he looked at his berries, gave them a good feel and said, “Nope they feel more like eggs daddy!”
    never laughed so hard in all my life.
    they sure are priceless, have fun with Mac.

  8. A few weeks ago my oldest who is 5 was in the bathtub with her 2 year old sister. They were thoroughly inspecting each others behinds and bellies, then suddenly the 5 year old asks me why my butt jiggles when I walk. I must have looked shocked because she proceeded to demonstrate – grabbing one of her cheeks and moving it up and down saying “Yours goes jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.” Then grabbing the other and doing a repeat. My husband (the fitness nut) heard this and was laughing hysterically. Me – not so much. So, I tell her that everyones butt moves when they walk, and she says “Not like yours Mommy.”

  9. To all young mon’s out there please write the funny things your kids say down. My son is almost twenty years old now and I know he used to say a lot of funny things but right now I just can’t remember any of them. So mom’s write a few down so you want forget like I have.

  10. I keep a journal for both of my kids (now 8 and 5) and write the funnies inside, as well as things I wish for them, my thoughts about them before they were born, as they were growing, and continue to grow.

    One day it will be theirs to keep. My hope is that they will know how much they were wanted, loved and how blessed they are.

    Paula Gills was a favorite restaurant for my daughter. (Chapala Grill)
    Save Boom is our grocery store. (Save Mart)
    One of my favorites is “Oh that’s gunny!” (funny)
    “Mommy, what are those scratches on your tummy? Do they hurt?”
    “No baby, not anymore.”
    “But the used to?”
    “Only when you were growing in my tummy.”
    “Ouch, that wasn’t very nice of me!”

  11. I wished that I had written down some of the funny and sometimes just ridiculous things that my kids have said over the years. One day when my son was in grammar school he looked at me and said, “Mommy, you are the most beautiful mommy in the world, even with those things on your face.” (freckles)

  12. My three boys are grandsons and I started journals for each of them when they were born. It’s perfect for grabbing and jotting down the little oops and funnies, owies and heartaches along the way. All three are in baseball this spring. Baseball in the Northwest is a mud sport but the memories are priceless.

  13. Ah yes. The gas factor gets worse as they age. E is 19 now and shows no signs of stopping. Kids also make you eat your words. I blogged on that today. And honestly, Jane, having a daughter is no better… especially a gorgy, well dressed one. I try to go shopping with her but whenever I pick something out she says, “That is NOT cute.”

  14. Gotta love kids and their honesty. I was feeling bad about not getting to the gym as much as I had wanted and made a remark about feel bad about gaining back some of my weight. My daughter with her new acquired wisdom, said mommy it’s okay you don’t look that bad. And my son in his cut to the chase opinion says, yeah and you can see your butt getting bigger! Sigh…. I guess I would rather hear the truth and realize that I do need to take heed and do something. But, dang! LOL

  15. I have four kids, one boy and three girls, and even though they are nearly grown up (22, 20, 18 and 16) they still crack me up. And they killed me when they were small.

    My oldest daughter was five and in kindergarden when the teacher pulled me aside with a smile. Apparently, she had noticed that her teacher and I had the same jeans and remarked “but my Mom has to lie on the bed to put hers on” — My fourth was eight months old and I had been desperately trying to slip into something pre-pregnancy.

    And then there was the time when we were standing in line in a crowded McDonalds. My son was nearly four and the lady behind us was not good looking… if you had wanted a model for the Wicked Witch of the West, this poor woman would have suited very well. He was staring and as I whispered to him to turn around, he piped up loud and clear, “But why is that lady so ugly?”. I nearly died…

  16. OK, I’m heavy. I’m seriously working on fixing that, but about 8 years ago, my youngest who would have been about 4, runs up to me and hugs me like there’s no tomorrow. I’m lovin this, I’m basking. Then she proceeds to pat my tummy and says, “Mom I love you even though you are fat.” And just walks away like she just did the nicest thing ever.
    As crushed as I was, how could I be mad at her.

    Or when my then 6 year old, is with me at the bank, the very crowded bank, and lifts up my shirt and yells to my very preggo belly, “hey baby, how ya doin’ in there?!” I thought the bank manager was going to fall off of his chair laughing.

    happy mother’s day to all the mom’s

    peace out

  17. I don’t check blogs for a few days and I find out Miss Jane has delivered a beautiful baby Mac.

    Congrats, Jane!!!!! May you not fall into perfect-mom syndrome and may you take the help offered without an ounce of guilt. ;o)

    My daughter is only 22 months, so I’m still waiting for the slamdown of the century. Until then, she likes to pull down the neck of my t-shirts and look at my breasts.

    There’s definitely worse things that could happen.

  18. Last summer my three daughters rode a bus to camp. At the end of the first day, they came home and the younger two excitedly reported that one of their friends from preschool had been on the bus. I had known the girl’s mother and decided to give her a quick call just to say “hi.” She and I talked for a while on the phone and she asked me what had happened on the camp bus between one of my daughters and hers. I had no idea, so I asked my girls who were sitting at the table having a snack, my friend was still on the phone. One of my daughters immediately became agitated and reported the following:

    “Well, she (the friend from preschool) just wanted to sit by me on the bus. I told her no. She just wouldn’t give me my personal space. I told her that I was going to open my mouth to swallow, but if she didn’t move I would open my mouth to bite her. She didn’t move, so I did.”

    Precious boundary setting moment.

  19. My kids are 2 and 4 right now, so there are SO many funny things tha come out of their mouths. I knew I would want to remember them down the road (and thought they’d love to hear) so I have started to journal. I try to sit down at least every other day and write something.

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