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Home In Hawaii

Mac has become very busy. Extremely busy. He loves to walk and run, explore and pull things apart. He loves to push things closed, too, including all doors, and sometimes his fingers are in between. I’ve been trying to keep Mac out of trouble by letting him help me whenever he can. There are some ‘jobs’ he can do. Like pick up stuff off the floor. Wipe counters with a cloth. Push the dust mop around. And uh, load the dishwasher, and that’s what Mac is doing below. Putting silverware in the caddy… along with his little black croc shoe.

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Tomorrow it’ll be two weeks since we arrived and time is passing quickly. I’ve been so happy here–happier than I’ve been in years. Last summer the house was under construction. Mac was 2 months old and a screaming acid reflux mess. My hormones were wacked. I felt wacked. I’ve only recently begun to feel much, much better.

I’ll be honest–I couldn’t ‘fix’ me without getting help from my doctor. We did a physical and checked my thyroid and ran a bunch of tests. I saw a counselor and talked talked talked to the therapist and things still weren’t right because the problems weren’t all in my head. They were in my body so I worked out harder. I tried harder. And then finally went back to my family practice doctor and said, help. I still don’t feel like me, and it’s been a long long time and I miss me, and together we figured out a plan and it worked. I’m Jane again. I feel so much better and I’m writing. I’m on chapter two of the Harlequin I started last week and am really enjoying writing again. Writing is fun, and challenging, but mostly fun. I like that I get to sit down and type away and come up with a story. I like that I get paid to make up stories. I like the career I’ve worked so hard for.

Why share all this? It’s not because I’m always comfortable revealing personal things, but because I learned something important this year. I learned that it’s important to listen to ourselves, and know ourselves, and even more importantly,  to act when something doesn’t feel right. It could be a physical thing, or a mental thing. It could be an ache or pain, an energy or an emotion. It could be the mental refrain going through our heads. Either way, if we don’t feel good, we have to figure out why and we have to work on feeling better and not just accept second best. “Getting by” isn’t a solution. Getting by is just that… you’re merely getting by and it’ll get us by for a short period of time, but it shouldn’t be a way of life.

And so life is good. Not because it’s perfect. But because it feels like I’ve finally come back home.

Speaking of being back home, my assistant Lee Hyat reminded me I’ve got two galleys of She’s Gone Country to give away to two of my readers. To enter for a chance to win one of the galleys, comment below- it could be anything, you just need to post–and also be willing to share a review somewhere online after you’ve read the book. You could review at Amazon or B&N.com or at a favorite blog. It doesn’t have to be an amazing review, or a long or literary review, just an honest review because reviews do help create excitement and I could really use you on my team as we gear up for my book’s August release.

So if you’re willing to post a review, do comment  and then on Friday morning I’ll pick two names and send the winners a galley of She’s Gone Country, a Starbucks drink card, and a bunch of other fun goodies.

And thank you, everyone, for all your support.  You’ve been incredibly kind and good to me during a difficult year and a half!

An Afternoon With The Girls

I’ve been in Hawaii a week today, but before I left Bellevue last week, I had the chance to spend part of the afternoon with some very smart, very literate young ladies who attend Seattle’s French-American School together.  I’d met one of the moms at a fundraiser back in April (at least I think it was April….) and she invited me to join the mother-daughter bookclub for an afternoon discussion of books, writing tips, and insights into the writing life.

The girls shared with me some of their favorite authors (Rick Riordan and JK Rowling) and I shared some of mine from when I was little (Louisa May Alcott and Laura Ingalls Wilder).  Most of the girls had read the Little House on the Prairie series when they were younger but none had read Louisa May Alcott yet. 

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The mom hosting the tea had actually surfed with Ty during Spring Break which really made it a small world.  And the mom who’d invited me, Laura, made the most yummy orange pound cake and I had to have the recipe.  Yum.

I love the idea of a mother-daughter bookclub, but then again, I love everything about girls and how we turn into women.  Our world is complicated and the more we can support each other, the better.

I know it’s been a long time since I last posted but it was hectic with the end of the year activities and then packing for Hawaii for the summer, but I’m back now with a little office set up in the corner of my bedroom (my window overlooks the ocean!) so you’ll be hearing from me more regularly. 

But to help me catch up with what you’ve been doing, please share with me your summer plans, or how you’ve spent the last two weeks, and you’ll be entered for my Afternoon with the Girls prize, which includes Kona coffee. a gift card, fragrant tropical soap and much more.   There will be two winners and the contest runs through Friday night with me announcing the winners Saturday morning, and even if you don’t care about the prize, please chat with me because I miss all of you!!  Now I’m off to write but do fill me in when you’ve time.  Happy Summer all!!

Fun Review at B&N!

Today I read one of the first ‘public’ reviews of She’s Gone Country over at B&N.com, and I loved it!  Made me get that super excited feeling about the book’s upcoming release all over again and I thought I’d share the review with you:

From Unabashedly Bookish: The BN Community Blog:
I’ve Gone Country… Thanks to Jane Porter

Does the review make you want to read the book?  Post a comment over at B&N.com,  and then let me know in the comment section what you thought of the review, and you’re entered to win a copy of She’s Gone Country, along with a Texas Cowboy Cookbook, a Starbucks drink card and lots more JP reader treats.

Contest runs through Thursday night midnight and I’ll announce the winner Friday morning and if you get back to me quickly, you could have a copy of She’s Gone Country in your mailbox by Tuesday!

Fittings

I leave in two weeks for Hawaii for the summer. It sounds fabulous but is also kind of wrenching as my two oldest sons will be with their dad for the first month and then come to me for the second–and I’ll be away for one of those weeks they’re with me attending Romance Writers of America’s national conference in Orlando.

I’ve never been away from Mac for more than a night and flying thirteen hours away from him for 6 nights of business makes my heart hurt. I think I’d be better with the week away if that were my only week away from the boys, but that’s just the beginning of three months of frequent, and sometimes hard, travel. I’m excited to promote She’s Gone Country, but struggle at leaving the kids.

The She’s Gone Country booktour kicks off in California, with four stops there, before zipping to Henderson, Nevada (just outside Las Vegas), and then back to Bellevue where I’ll turn my attention to Pacific Northwest events. Surfer Ty and I head to London for a week in September, too, so I can attend the annual meeting for AMBA, the Association of Mills & Boon Authors. I haven’t attended an AMBA meeting since September 11th, and that entire trip was shadowed by grief and shock.

Because I won’t be returning to Bellevue to repack for Orlando or the booktour, I’m having to haul all my business attire with me to Honolulu and so I’ve been sorting through my wardrobe, trying things on, purchasing a few new dresses, coordinating shoes and accessories. I was absolutely delighted to discover that I could slide/squish myself into my favorite navy Max Mara slacks. They’re not my tiny navy slacks, but my formerly comfy ones. They’re not as comfy on me as they once were, but they zip, and with a longer blouse, I almost feel like the old Jane. Almost.

The scale isn’t showing that I’ve dropped a lot more weight but my body must still be shrinking from the workouts as I can definitely fit into some of my old size 8 clothes. There’s no chance of squeezing into the 6’s or the 4’s, but that can be a goal for next summer. It’s enough that I see progress. That I feel better than I did. That I have hope.

The writing, though, is still a struggle. I’m in an ego bruising place of fear and insecurity when it comes to my work.  I’m not confident about this new book. Not comfortable with my voice. Not feeling the love. Right now I miss the writer Jane who knew what she was doing and where she was going. But maybe that Jane will return. Maybe it’s like my work outs in my garage with the weight equipment…maybe with time, with effort, with patience…this new story line and voice will fit me. Maybe if I just relax and go with it, the ideas will flow and the story will work.

Until it does, I have to stop the hate. I’ve been so mad at myself for not being more productive, and brilliant, and efficient. I struggle at my keyboard and as I struggle I’m filled with the old self-loathing. The little voice inside my head has so much to say…so much negative talk and put downs. Stupid, stupid Jane. Why do you think you can write? Why do you think you can succeed? Why should you deserve more than you’ve already got? And the voice achieves what it sets out to do.  It stops me. Silences me. Hurts me. Sickened, I remove myself from my keyboard, desk, office. I then pace. Fight with myself.  Do simpler things like email.

But the mean little voice, the mean bully inside my head can’t win.

It shouldn’t win.

It’s wrong.

I know I deserve kindness and patience and encouragement. I know I deserve love.

But its amazing how, when the pressure is on, I crumble instead of squaring my shoulders and locking my knees and digging deep for strength. Must find the strength. Must find the peace. No one can do it for me. This is one of those battles no one can fight but me.

And so that’s my goal. Not to write 5-10 pages a day. But to dismiss the critic and embrace the fear and take that deep breath, that deep calming breath and remind myself–I can do it. I can do anything. I just have to take it one baby step at a time.

I Wish I Was a Librarian

I practically grew up in the Visalia library.  From an early age I rode my bike there and back, mywhite plastic flower basket on the front of my Schwinn bike with the turquoise banana seat packed with books.  Mrs. Livingstone, the head librarian, always allowed me to check out more than the maximum amount you could take because she knew my parents and she knew how much I loved to read,  as well as how fast I read.  I needed a lot of books.  Not all librarians were quite so accomodating so I learned to visit the check out desk when Mrs. Livingstone was present.

When my two older boys were small, we spent a lot of time in the beautiful Bellevue library as it has an incredible children’s section.  I stopped checking out books personally as I become a purchase addict–had to own every book I read–but I never stopped loving libraries or librarians.

This year I was so fortunate to be invited to speak on a panel at the PLA Conference in Portland.  My dream is to be invited someday to the ALA conference.  Jane surrounded by thousands of librarians.  Heaven.

You can only imagine my joy then when I discovered this news story tonight on King 5.  Watch the video if you love librarians and Information Science, too.   http://www.king5.com/video/featured-videos/Librarians-go-Gaga-at-UWs-iSchool–95142299.html

Reading Claudia Dain

I love to read.  Oh, I love to read, and I’ve been so very happy reading for hours every night Claudia Dane’s incredible series, The Courtesan Chronicles.  Megan Crane introduced me to Claudia Dane.  Insisted I read her.  I said yeah, yeah, I’ll make a note of it but never picked up a book.  I visited Megan’s home six months ago,  inspected her library even as I complained that I needed something really good to read and Megan pointed to her shelf where Claudia’s books were, and said, “Read her.”

I will, I said half-heartedly, because really, the courtesan?  I’m not such a courtesan fan.  Courtesans are, well….courtesans.  Not nice girls.  Not necessarily the kind that one would call heroic.

A couple months ago, still complaining that I needed something to really grab my attention, Megan mailed me a brand new copy of The Courtesan’s Daughter, the first book of Dain’s series.

I looked at it.  Started it.  Put it down two pages later.  Then lamenting I had nothing else to read, picked it up again and then bam, about twenty pages into it, I fell in love.  Was hooked.  Completely.  Claudia Dain is brilliant!   She’s not like any other author writing today.  She doesn’t write familiar books, or books with perfect heroines.  No, her heroines are all flawed and at times a little self-absorbed, perhaps narrow minded, or a tad shallow, but the charm of these books is that each of these heroines grows and comes into her own and falls in love in the most marvelously unique, surprising, and well, delightful ways.  Dain’s prose is sharp and witty and, delightful. Yes, I know I used the word twice.  I can’t help it.  I’m seriously delighted by stories with unconventional characters, intriguing plots, fantastic dialogue and wit.  I love a smart book.  I love a smart author.  I love a smart woman.

I’m so enthralled with the series that I recently wrote Claudia a fan mail and posted a review over at Amazon of The Courtesan’s Daughter.  Claudia has the talent of Georgette Heyer and best of all, has a NEW book coming out early July.  Hurrah!  I can not wait and I’m looking forward to meeting her in Orlando at RWA’s national conference this July.

To celebrate Dain’s incredible talent and wit, I’m going to be giving away 5 copies of The Courtesan’s Daughter along with some other fun goodies like a Starbucks drink cards, chocolate and more.  If you want to win, tell me if you’ve ever read or heard of Claudia Dain, and if you like Regency romance, and what kind of heroines most appeal to you.  The contest will run through Saturday midnight and I’ll announce the five winners Sunday morning.

Bid on SHE’S GONE COUNTRY!

Happy Friday, everyone!

I’ve been having fun bidding over at Brenda Novak’s wonderful auction and wanted to let you all know that there are so many killer deals if you wander over to Brenda’s auction site and check it out. Some of my favorite authors have books listed and I’m wanting those for sure… and there are a couple author promo things that look pretty good as well.

For those of you  dying to read She’s Gone Country before August, you have the chance to win a bound galley over at Brenda Novak’s auction as well. It’s part of my Women’s Fiction package, which includes signed copies of: Frog Prince, Flirting with Forty, Odd Mom Out, Mrs. Perfect and Easy On The Eyes.  You get a total of 6 books, and I can personalize them for anyone you want….could be a great birthday or graduation gift, or just something fun for yourself.  Check it out if interested!

And finally, if one of you, my readers, should bid on, and win, the Hawaii travel package Ty and I donated, Ty has said he’ll throw in 2 semi-private or private surf lessons, 2 T-shirts and your choice of a TGSS water bottle or a TGSS float from his shop. This is an extra bonus that’s not listed on Brenda’s site because it’s special for you guys, my readers. And if you don’t want to surf, you can still get the fun loot and  take a stand-up paddle board lesson instead. If you do go and surf, I guarantee you’ll have a blast. Ty’s awesome crew makes every lesson fun. So if you win, you’ve got to let me know so I can make sure I get a gift certificate to you for the lessons and shirts and stuff.  The link to the Week in Paradise Package is here!

Now I’m back to work.  (Well, okay, make that back to bidding….)

Another Bug

Apologies for not posting a new blog sooner but I’ve been sick–and traveling–for the past week and am still congested and snuffling and coughing. Mac, of course, came down with the cold, too. I knew it Saturday when he started to act a little crankier than he normally is and then Sunday he was feverish and slept most of the day.

I forgot how little guys pick up everything and pass everything on. So far no one else is getting hit as hard as I am. Not sure why. Immune system might not be as good as it could be.

On the positive side, since I can’t focus long enough to write, I have been working on book tour for the fall and doing some pre-book publicity stuff. I’m really looking forward to the week I’ll spend in Texas in mid-October, and then I’ll return to Dallas again mid November for the DFW Tea Group’s Readers’n’Ritas weekend.

So far I have late August events scheduled in  Palo Alto, Sacramento, Fresno, Pasadena, and Las Vegas. And then in September through November I’ll be doing events in Bellevue, Seattle, Dallas, Austin, Katy/Houston, with possible events in four to five more states. Keep an eye on my events page here on my site for full details, and of course, I’ll share info here, too.

Mac is yanking on my t-shirt as I type and howling up at me so I better go be a good mom and give him some TLC. But first,  please do tell me how you are, what you’re doing or reading, and just like that, you’re entered in my Another Bug Contest. I’m going to draw ten winners for this one, and I’ve got great prizes, so you’ll want a chance to win. Contest runs through Friday night and I’ll announce the winners Saturday morning! Talk to me and stay healthy!

Little Thing

I took this picture yesterday morning, the day after Mother’s Day as I had this moment of intense joy, and satisfaction.

This is my house. This is my home. This is where I’m raising my family.

Jane's Kitchen

For our Mother’s Day dinner, I pulled out the Waterford stemware (only the second time since moving back into the house after the remodel… the first was the night of Mac’s birthday dinner) and we sat at the dining table and had a meal with a fine French linen table cloth and my best china. The dinner was lovely but it was the morning after when the drying dishes were still sitting there on the counter that I felt peace. Truly at home in my house.  More at home with me.

It’s been a long time coming.

It’s been a couple very hard years.

I count my blessings–all the time–but it doesn’t always mean things are easy or feel good.  It doesn’t always mean I feel good. But I’ve worked at getting stronger and happier. I’ve worked at getting my head in the right place. Working at confronting fear and failure and sadness. Working at me, I guess, and working at being a better mother, lover, partner, person.

But this photograph… it’s what I turned and saw and for a moment everything was right in my world. My favorite crystal. My baby’s bottles. Flowers in a vase.

It’s just a little thing. But sometimes the littlest thing is everything.

Carlsbad & Mother’s Day Plans

When my son Ty heads off to college in seven years or so, Mac and I will be relocating to San Diego and Ty Gurney will open a surf shop there and we’ll finally all be under one roof in one house. Ty will keep his Hawaii Surf School & Board Shop but he’ll also have some California locations and I like to think that I’ll one day open a fun indie bookstore that’s next door to Ty’s Board Shop called “Beach Girl Books” and it’ll be a store full of fun reads–romance, romantic suspense, women’s fiction, mysteries, popular commercial fiction. I will be hosting signings and throw fun theme parties and make sure writers who write great beach reads know they are welcome any time.

While in San Diego we took drives and walks and ate more burritos than we should have. One day we headed to La Jolla with Ty’s parents for lunch, while on another day Ty looked and looked for a cool Bing or Hap Jacobs board but in the end bought an amazing new Becker long board to keep at his folks house so that when we’re visiting he can surf. After finding the board, Ty surfed twice and the second morning while he surfed, I pushed Mac for a walk along the Carlsbad seawall. Mac pointed and called to every single dog….and there were a lot.

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Mac and Mom in La Jolla overlooking the cave.

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Mac testing out Dad’s new surfboard.

We headed to Carlsbad to celebrate an early Mother’s Day with Ty’s mom but now we’re back in Washington and getting ready to celebrate Mother’s Day with my boys this weekend. I see a box has arrived from one of my favorite stores and brunch reservations have been made for Sunday. Mac is now over his cold and so much fun again! I’m so excited to be sharing Mother’s Day with all three boys and Surfer Ty this year.

Tell me what you’ll be doing this weekend–either for Mother’s Day or just weekend plans–and you’ll be entered in my Mother’s Day Contest which is really really good this year as one of you will have the chance to win a bound galley of She’s Gone Country. That’s right. This is your chance to get a much anticipated look at my new book about Shey and her family—now. There will be one grand prize winner that gets the galley and sweets and treats and fun goodies, and then there will be two other winners that get great goodies but no book. Want a chance to win? Share with me your weekend plans, make sure to enter by Sunday night midnight PST, and Monday morning I’ll announce the winners Monday morning.

Good luck and I do hope it’s going to be a wonderful weekend for all!