The Longest Day

I had said I wouldn’t write anything more about doctors and shots until I had something definite to say, and I’d meant that in a definitely positive sort of way, but hey, things change. 

The long and short of it:  the in-vitro didn’t work. 

I took the blood test this morning at 9:15 am and the nurses said the lab guy came in at 11 am and it would take an hour or so so they’d call me as soon as they knew.

I was nervous and wanted to take my mind off the wait, especially as my boys flew out this morning to Hawaii without me so I went and got a pedicure to help pass the time.   I was done before noon, and drove around Bellevue for a half hour thinking the call could come anytime soon.  Then I went to Barnes & Noble and studied the magazine racks, along with home design magazines, and then the baby magazines like Fit Pregnancy but then I panicked that I’d get ‘the call’ in the magazine aisle, and returned to my car, cell phone cradled in my hand.

I drove like that home, cell phone in hand, in the event the call came.  I was at home by one and still no call.  I made myself lie down, put hands on belly, envisioned baby, as hell, I was pretty damn sure there was a baby in there. 

I dozed off, woke up at the phone ringing but it was my son Jake calling to say they’d landed in Honolulu.  I looked at the clock.  1:28 pm.

I ate cereal (Special K with Strawberries), flipped through the new Vanity Fair and its the Hollywood issue, wondered if I should pack–just in case–, decided against it, tried to lay back down, ended up pacing, ended up at 2:00 pm driving to the drug store to buy a home pregnancy test.

Didn’t take the test right away because blood test at this point is the right test. 

Called the doctor’s office but no one answered.

It’s 2:44 pm.  I feel sick waiting.  I just need to know.  I just need to know I’m pregnant.

Start to pack.  Take the home test.  Home test says I’m not pregnant but tell myself it could be wrong.  It could be wrong.  It’s only right 58% of the time this early on.

Nearly three thirty, the phone finally rings.  Anita the nurse does it quick, just like she administers the shots.  “Jane, I don’t have good news.” 

And that’s it. 

 I’m jumping on a plane and going to Hawaii. 

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