I had said I wouldn’t write anything more about doctors and shots until I had something definite to say, and I’d meant that in a definitely positive sort of way, but hey, things change.
The long and short of it: the in-vitro didn’t work.
I took the blood test this morning at 9:15 am and the nurses said the lab guy came in at 11 am and it would take an hour or so so they’d call me as soon as they knew.
I was nervous and wanted to take my mind off the wait, especially as my boys flew out this morning to Hawaii without me so I went and got a pedicure to help pass the time. I was done before noon, and drove around Bellevue for a half hour thinking the call could come anytime soon. Then I went to Barnes & Noble and studied the magazine racks, along with home design magazines, and then the baby magazines like Fit Pregnancy but then I panicked that I’d get ‘the call’ in the magazine aisle, and returned to my car, cell phone cradled in my hand.
I drove like that home, cell phone in hand, in the event the call came. I was at home by one and still no call. I made myself lie down, put hands on belly, envisioned baby, as hell, I was pretty damn sure there was a baby in there.
I dozed off, woke up at the phone ringing but it was my son Jake calling to say they’d landed in Honolulu. I looked at the clock. 1:28 pm.
I ate cereal (Special K with Strawberries), flipped through the new Vanity Fair and its the Hollywood issue, wondered if I should pack–just in case–, decided against it, tried to lay back down, ended up pacing, ended up at 2:00 pm driving to the drug store to buy a home pregnancy test.
Didn’t take the test right away because blood test at this point is the right test.
Called the doctor’s office but no one answered.
It’s 2:44 pm. I feel sick waiting. I just need to know. I just need to know I’m pregnant.
Start to pack. Take the home test. Home test says I’m not pregnant but tell myself it could be wrong. It could be wrong. It’s only right 58% of the time this early on.
Nearly three thirty, the phone finally rings. Anita the nurse does it quick, just like she administers the shots. “Jane, I don’t have good news.”
And that’s it.
I’m jumping on a plane and going to Hawaii.
Jane,
What a terrible day for you:( But don’t lose confidence. It will happen, you are in my thoughts and prayers and all my fingers are crossed:) And, please don’t let it ruin your birthday in Hawaii:)
Jane, I was hoping that you would have gotten better news. Don’t lose hope. It will happen for you. Just try to relax and enjoy each day as it comes. I’m sending big hugs, good thoughts and prayers out to you.
Happy Birthday in Hawaii.
Hugs, Jane. I’m so sorry. That disappointment stinks. Prayers and positive thoughts your way for a great time in Hawaii and a better outcome next time.
x Kate
Oh Sweetie… I’m so sorry. I know how much you wanted this. I’m so bummed for you. I don’t even know what to say. There just aren’t words sometimes. Know that I love you and that I’m praying for you.
Kari
Oh I am so sorry Jane! I went through a bunch of fertility tests too. I never did get pregnant because I have a bunch of fibroid tumors. Had them removed twice.
I will pray for you! Don’t give up hope. My friend went through in-vitro 3 times and finally got pregnant on the 3rd try.
Big hugs, honey! All is not lost. I’ll keep thinking positive thoughts for you guys.
Shannon
Oh, Jane, just hugs!
Jane- I haven’t been reading your blog lately but logged on today! From one invitro mommy to another…hang tight..I had my daughter at age 40 on first invitro try….I SO know all about the shots and drugs and ALL!
You are too cool and have great karma!
All my best thoughts and wishes headed your way, Jane! I’m so sorry for the disappointment, but know that everything will work out for you. Big hugs!!
Christina
“I’ll walk where my own nature would be leading; it vexes me to choose another guide.”
-Emily Bronte, gothic genius behind Wuthering Heights.
Uberchik
uberblog-liz-liz.blogspot.com
I’m reading this blog a little late but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I’m sending you many hugs from CT and I’ll keep in you my prayers!
Meg
Jane,
I’m so sorry. You hang in there, things happen as they should even if we don’t always understand them at the time. Keep your faith.
For now go have a blast with your boys and have a great birthday, girlfriend!
Love/hugs,
MARIAN
So sorry, Jane, but don’t loose faith. It’ll happen when it’s suppose to happen. Hugs.
Jane I am so sorry to hear about that terrible day. In between Nick and Alex I had 4 miscarriages. I was told that my chances of having a baby were slim to none. Then along comes Alex at age 43. Hope you enjoy your birthday.
xo
Norah
Jane, It will happen if it’s meant to be. (I know) Count your blessings to keep strong and enjoy LIFE with your boys and Ty.
Happy Birthday!
Carole
I’m so sorry. Big hugs and lots of positive thoughts being sent your way. 🙂