I shall make this post brief or it won’t happen I’ve had a hard time writing my blog. I feel almost queasy about writing a blog. It’s not because I don’t want to write one, but because there’s so much I’m thinking about, so much I’m feeling, so much I’m struggling to put into place that I feel, well…fraudish.
I talk about self-acceptance.
I talk about self-esteem.
I talk and talk and well, sometimes it’s just talk.
The truth is I’ve really wrestled with…me…lately. Wrestling with who I am and what I expect and what I deep down believe.
I’m so good at empowering others. I tell everyone else to be nice to themselves. To love yourself. To be kind to yourself. And then in the privacy of my own home–and mind–I beat the hell out of me. And it hurts. As well as being exhausting.
I’ve been so mad at myself for not writing more. For not going hungry more. And running more. For not slipping back into a tiny, tan, successful, glorious version of me…a version I’m not sure even, or ever, existed. But that’s what my tricky mind remembers and that’s what I must do to what…sell a book? Be loved? Be happy?
And so I’ve had endless conversations with myself, probably more than I should, probably more than what is safe and sane. But during one of these fierce conversations I had this ephihany—I’m going to get there.
It’s just going to be slow.
Maybe really slowly. Perhaps even painfully slowly. But maybe its okay to be a turtle. Maybe the slow crawl will get me the same results the sprint would. Maybe. And even if not, its where I am now.
Creeping along. Trying hard. Doing my best. And seeing a lot of the same scenery. I suppose one really gets to appreciate the scenery when you’re not racing, or breathless, or fighting a side ache.
I once enjoyed being the sprinter. I felt smug, the clever hare bounding along, dashing over the heads of turtles, grinning as I shot from here to there. Well, that Jane’s gone. Don’t know if she’ll ever come back.
So I’ve spent the last nine days learning to love the turtle in me and say things like “good turtle”, “lovely turtle”, “just keep going, turtle.” You see, there’s not a lot of glamour in being a turtle but if I get to the end…and don’t give up…I’ll have the journey and the success.
And maybe peace of mind.
I’ve a special gift for one of my commentors. I’ll draw a name Wednesday night and post the winner’s name Thursday morning. It’s a fun package….you’ll like it. I want it. But it’s for one of you, so remember if you post a comment, check back on Thursday to see if you won!
Jane,
It’s all about the journey. Soak it all in however long it takes you to get there. Just know you will.
You have a wonderful support system. Don’t keep it bottled inside. Let it out. You will feel much better.
Peace.
Denise
I so know how you feel. I’m a turtle too.
What a great post. I love the turtle analogy! You will get there!
Jane I also know how you feel.
I think I am going to adopt your way of thinking. Slow and steady is the way to accomplish more things and enjoy life., but you know sometimes life just doesn’t slow down when you need it too. I know that for a fact after this month . I am so frazzled that I can’t sleep and just can’t function like I usually do.
All I know is that you are a very talented writer and your stories amaze and touch my heart.
I just caught up with all your books over this past weekend ( it rained).
Jane. . .may I join your ‘bale’ (had to look that up, it’s a group of turtles.)
Your post is sooo timely; I’ve been feeling low myself because I can’t get back to this or that or the gazillion things I thought I had to do. Today, just before I read your blog, I told myself if i get one step done, not even the whole task, just one step, I’m going to be happy and move on to the next thing. I resolve to take pleasure in the doing so that the thing will be much more satisfying. And now I know I’m not the only one, there are a few more turtles like me out there. Slowly but surely, we will all get there.
“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
However difficult that internal battle is, fighting that conflict is what is needed for resolution. And peace.
Another great post. I love these reflective ones.
You don’t know this, but I happen to LOVE turtles! They are graceful and solid and steady. They never take from others; they know how to stop and smell (or eat) the roses. Thats the tortoise; if you want to talk about sea turtles well I love them even more.
Now go check your FB; I’m posting there, too.
Hugs, Shannon in Tustin
The librarian at my kids school loves turtles. She is known as the “turtle lady”, as well as our librarian because she adopts turtles. We have 7 in the library now and they make everyone happy. They are just fun to watch and bring a smile to your face.
So, be a turtle and I’ll bet you, you will bring a smile to more than one face!
You are not alone as many women, single and married, feel the exact same way. I just have to realize that I come first. And if I am not happy with me, both inside and out, then no one around me will be happy.
It is, was it is. I deal with things one at a time and if I get it right, I celebrate. If I get it wrong, then I step back I figure how to make it right the next time.
We all go from A to Z. All different, but we get there. And that is what make us so unique.
We have to all keep our chin up and just be as brave as we would want our children to be.
Oh Jane it is so fine to be a turtle, hang in there girl! I go through the same thing with myself and I so want to loose weight and get healthier but I realize that I am not as young as I used to be and it comes off a whole lot slower! I am myself a lot slower at doing anything anymore. I think part of my problem is I go to long without eating and then eat to much, when I think you would be better of eating every two to three hours but eat less! I have been down on myself lately and I think I just need something to spark up my life. I think I am just in a rut. The weather is bad and I want to get out and go for walks and can’t. I think I just need for spring to come to brighten up my world! I love reading your post! They kind of make my day! Just keep in mind you will get to where you want to be, maybe not as fast but the turtle will make it! Their slow but sure!
Jane,
Sorry to hear that you’ve been having a tough time. I’m right there with you but I think it’s going to get better. You are a terrific person and I know it will be better soon. Take care.
Dawn
I tell myself this when I get burned out and tired of doing my daily routine at home or the gym….
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming….
You can almost here the little tune in your head now, can’t you? Finding Nemo!
Have a great day and remember, it’t the little things that count!
PS: hope you don’t get blasted for wishing you were thinner. I hate it when that happens.
Ahh the Turtle, I know it well! I have been doing the turtle for the last 6 years and am just now feeling like I can get moving and sprint a little here and there! You’ll get back there!
I struggle with this too Jane. It is not always easy being a turtle, but we do miss things when we sprint.
Thanks for your generousity and honesty.
Lee
Great post, Jane. I’m so glad you can write about things like this.
Sometimes it is hard to accept yourself. Unfortunately, a person’s insecurities can spread to others. I hurt my daughter’s feelings yesterday. I apologized and she accepted.
It’s a hard lesson to learn that change is slow, especially when you’re trying to change habits. I think I heard somewhere that you have to consciously think every day about the change you want to make and it takes three weeks for it to become habit. So be a turtle and take things slow and easy. You know we’re all rooting for you just like you always cheer us on! You are amazing and you can do it!
Slow & steady won the race. Hang in there and remember you aren’t alone. Sometimes you gotta dangle that carrot to get to the next place or out of the rut. Bee good to yourself, you certainly are appreciated.
Great post Jane! You are not alone. As you see, many of us feel this way about ourselves. It’s so refreshing that you post feelings like this rather then being fake. It’s nice to see you are real and have feelings like the rest of us. I think you are a beautiful person inside and out. Hopefully you will find comfort soon. Take care!
funny how we can be the best cheerleaders to others but just so so cheerleaders to ourselves.
It’s a daily struggle. Those sprinters – we know they get burnt out, not to mention shin splints. Thanks for sharing what we’re all feeling.
The good thing about having a disability that progressively limits what you can do is learning how great it is to be a turtle. Learning that a little forward momentum is better than rushing into a wall and stopping altogether.
Have patience with yourself. You deserve patience and time to look around and see all that’s available in the world. You’d miss it if you were rushing along with the scenery speeding past you.
You are a beautiful, generous and gracious lady. Have a great day, one minute at a time. 🙂
I love turtles!!
And I love these brutally honest, candid posts when you pour your heart out.
Dear Jane;
You have a beautiful way of tapping into the universal feelings of women and breaking them down into sound bits that stay with us. I used to be able to not only sprint but sprint long distances. Pull an all nighter–all “weekender” to get everything done that needed to be done.
I can’t sprint anymore.
Like you, I wonder if that ability will ever come back. If it does, GREAT. If it doesn’t, I need to find a way to embrace my inner turtle and plan accordingly.
Unfortunately, I still think I’m a sprinter. It has caused all kinds of problems!
hang in there, Jane! I think alot of us feel that way! It’s good to constantly re-invent ourselves though..(does that make sense?) Take time for yourself..things YOU enjoy, things that make YOU happy. What fulfills YOU.. When we do that..we’re so much happier, and have more to “give” to others..
You are worth it, Jane.
I can really relate on how your feeling for I feel the same about myself, I’m a great listner and can give good advice to others but don’t take my own advice. I feel like I’m not a good person and feel lousy about myself. But I know good things can happen to me if I’m just take things one day at a time and stop and listen to God. For he loves us all and that he doesn’t give us anything that we can’t handle. I’ve been thru alot and I’m finally realizing that I’ve come thru some tough times and things are looking brighter, and I didn’t realize until my 16yr.old daughter (birthday is on Thursday) brought it to my attention. Your not alone for if you just give in to alittle faith and open your heart. Keep telling yourself that your a wonderful mom, writer and etc. I do this everyday, and I also give thanks to God.
Jane,
As someone who is a hiker, not a runner, I say, good for you! You will get there, and this way you will learn and understand more as you take each step along the way. Maybe you will even find interesting detours that you would have missed if you rushed by…
The more I read your blog, the more I feel privileged that you share your life, and all its ups and downs, with me and all your fans. We love you, Jane – you continue to inspire us.
Oh Jane, I’m going through this too. I just had the most amazing reading this morning with a psychic who uses no tools, just channels my guides. It was so wonderful. See I had been doing what you were doing, helping others but not myself. This wonderful channeler told me we don’t have to work hard to get to where we want to go. We relax, we be nice to ourselves. Working hard is the old way of doing things. If you’ve ever read The Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks you will understand this. Write down what you have accomplished. How many of us have written a book that was not only published but made into a move?? Give yourself credit for this. You wrote more than one book. Love yourself for it. You are wonderful just the way you are, the new Ms Turtle. I’m gonna be one now too. Yay for 2010 and turtles. Love, Jean Maurie
We are always harder on ourselves than we are others. And it isn’t how fast your get somewhere, it’s the fact that you get there at all. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you’re not perfect, none of us are. Try to imagine yourself in a happy place, then slowly and calmly work towards getting there. You will make it. You’re a wonderful author, and even though I don’t know you personally I can tell you are a good person. You just have to believe it yourself. There is an Irish proverb that says “A good beginning is half the work.” I hope you reach your happy place soon.
HI Jane,
I thought I was the only one struggling these days. My heart aches for you because I have been feeling many of the same feelings. I love your turtle analogy. I will be using it because it is the way I should be thinking about my life too. Slow and steady…
I wish I could give you wonderful advice to make you feel better. Perhaps just knowing that your readers care about you, may help a little.
I send you my best and you are in my prayers.
Big hugs to you.
Jane, You are an exceptional and a giving woman. You should be proud of your accomplishments. It is normal to feel doubtful about your self but you have succeeeded and will continue to in your life. Give yourself time, take it slowly. You are an inspiration.
I’ve been a turtle myself since my divorce, and you were one of those who helped me through in the beginning…with your hopeful books and the nice care package you sent a stranger. I’ve taken it slow for the past 14 months, living with my parents and saving enough money for a “Dave Ramsey style” emergency fund. I’ve also saved enough to furnish a new house that I am finally moving into in two weekends. Slow and steady wins the race…and allows you to smell the roses along the way. I’ve always looked good in green…:-)
Yea, I know all about beating yourself up. We are never quite good enough for ourselves. Self acceptance is a struggle for me as well, in my late 40’s I’m maybe a bit more than half way there to getting it! Some days less, some days way more…those are the days that push me forward and I pat myself on the back and push on…you can do it turtle!
You are fabulous!!! And I have always been a turtle on its back!
Now I am happy to join the turtle bale! LOL Atleast I am doing something! We’re eating better. I have been going to my Zumba classes and working on my book. Slowly I’ll add in the weight training. And maybe I can keep it all going! It is so hard for me to do something and take time for just me, but I deserve it!
Life is a journey and should be enjoyed!
Hugs!!!!
XOXO
Monie
Jane,
One of my favorite quotes…
“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end.” Ursula Leguin
I hope this gives you the same inspiration and motivation it give me everytime I read it.
Melissa
Thank you for putting into words so eloquently what so many of us are going through! The turtle analogy is wonderful 🙂 I agree with so many others posting here, that the journey is important. And when sprinting through life, we often miss out on the beauty, joy, emotions, connections. Hopefully we can all learn to slow down and not miss what life is about!
Maybe being a hare is mostly illusion. I say that having thought for years I was a boundless energy, always running, multi-tasking hare. But maybe there are just deluded turtles. To learn new things requires reinforcement, patience, time.
I keep coming back to your blog, because you’re so honest and open about your life and feelings.
It sure helps me to know that other women face the same inner struggles. Some days I win, and some days I lose, but lately I’ve been mindful of the fact that I’m not superwoman, and no one really expects me to be. Perspective is always good. I hope you find your balance/peace too.
Thank you for sharing what’s in your heart.
Hey Jane! Do not feel like you are a fraud. You are an Inspirer – you inspire others to do and be things maybe they haven’t had the ability to motivate themselves to do or be.
I’ve felt a little fraudish myself willing people I work with to get the P90X dvd workout set, telling them it’s awesome (which it is)!! And then when they ask me when I last did the workout, I say “Um.. back in June.” I still promote it though because I believe in the program even though I’m not able to do those workouts right now. I will one day though, again.
And we all know you believe in us, and that you believe in the things you talk to – and of course we believe in you! So do not beat yourself up – you are NOT a fraud.
In due time the little turtle that you are will be passing up the hares. Don’t let the idea of what a turtle is fool you either! The turtle is incredibly fast when it wants to be, when it needs to be (hence I’m sure how the comparison even came about).
You will reach the speed you need, when you need it! You have had a lot on your plate, so give yourself a break :0)
Jane,
Thank you for sharing your feelings. As women we are so good at supporting each other but not ourselves. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never allow anyone else to talk us, we are own worst critic. I enjoy your blogs and your books, you give so many inspiration and hope. Often I feel I am also all talk and no action. I like the thought of a turtle, slowly moving forward one step at time. Again, thank you for sharing and encouraging us to be better not only to one another but most importantly to ourselves.
Jane,
Thanks for sharing your true feelings. Take time out for yourself and appreciate all that you have done. Relax…and, smell the roses along the way!
Hugs, Julie 🙂
Yep – Turtle! My first pet was a turtle.
Been the hare too – hit that finish line without dawdling along the way, many times, in many ways. Then as soon as the cheering stopped, I looked around and realized the fans were more interested in the turtle!
Huh?!
If you feel you have to accept yourself as a turtle just remember, that’s where the greatest stories come from.
Sure, we all love a story that pulls us by the throat from first word to TheEnd but what happens then? We shake it off, get some sleep, wake up to a new dawn. Then when we look for another book to read we feel, hmmm, that was awesome but today I’m going to put my feet up and savor an old favorite. I’m going to marvel through each well known word, delight in the anticipation of what I know is ahead.
Maybe I’ll even take all week to read it.
My insight is because I chose to be a turtle instead of a hare and have gotten a lot of grief and support for my choice. And even though it was my choice, I do have to reaffirm my choice to BE HAPPY with the choice I made. It’s an interesting journey.
if we always want to be others so whose gonna want to be ourselves ?
that is i’ve always tell me self.
When others choice to make fun of you, pick on you and hurt your feelings; it’s because deep down they want to be just like you…
Hi Jane,
Wish I could give you a hug! You are beautiful!
Ahhhh, Jane. Wish I could give you a hug and tell you in person, “You are NOT alone!”
Life is indeed the journey and not the destination. We can’t be a lot of things instantly. It takes perseverence. One step at a time.
Sometimes it helps to improve yourself with a girlfriend, like a walking partner. Misery does love company. I find that on those days when I just don’t want to go for a walk, I force myself to go because my partner is depending on me. When my partner is unavailable, I find excuses not to go without her. Perhaps you can share an activity with a girlfriend so that it will help push you towards your goal a little faster.
You said, “there’s not a lot of glamour in being a turtle but if I get to the end…and don’t give up…I’ll have the journey and the success. And maybe peace of mind.” Perhaps your goal should change. You said IF I get to the end. Maybe you can realize that you have achieved success just by traveling on that journey. You can have peace of mind and success along the way too.
Hope this helps. Thanks for all the great blogs.
I’m glad to see that you are giving yourself a break – just be the best you that you can be. Whatever change will happen will come in time, you need to be happy first, or any change that happens is for the wrong reasons!
I have some great photos of sea turtles that I have taken at the aquarium in Maui and have had fun snorkeling with the turtles whenever I come across one. Sea turtles are so resilient – the first time I finally got my older son out snorkeling with me we found a sea turtle. This was a special turtle and he had been through a lot. I’m sure he had an encounter with a shark; he was missing one of his rear legs and a part of his shell. Even with his handicap, he was a good strong swimmer and wasn’t going to let anything hold him back.
I know you were referring to land turtles, but I’m glad to hear that you will accept yourself as you are! Life is not a race; it’s the experiences that you have along the way that are the best part.
Having a baby would slow anybody down, so don’t worry. Just remember: When your plate is full, you have to walk slowly so you won’t spill. 😉
Nice to know that we all (including lovely, down-to-earth, glamorous authors)have our inner struggles.
I have become a turtle. I too used to sprint places, eat little, look great. Now I am a turtle and I don’t mind taking things real slow. Slow is good. Slow can even look good. Slow is my motto for this year. None of this ASAP stuff. You’re great Jane, you’re always achieving so much 🙂
Jane, some of our favorite snorkeling places are the little “inlets” behind Black Rock on Maui. That is where we encounter the beautiful, playful, and elegantly graceful turtles. On occasion, we have even had the blessing of swimming next to them. They seem so peaceful and at ease. So, your being a turtle seems fitting: you are beautiful, playful, elegant, graceful…and with practice peaceful and at ease. AND sometimes you even stick out your neck to write these blogs and we get to “swim next to them”…it is a blessing to read your thoughts and concerns…it helps us to feel connected.
Your feeling the way you do right now seems to be part of the essential growing process…been there…life does smooth out…eventually.
Blessings and hugs all around. mj
I look at you, Jane, as this beautiful, sexy author. Gorgeous man in her life, new baby, wonderful boys! BUT what I think isn’t important, is it? It’s about what you think about yourself. I wish you the strength to carry on with your journey to self-acceptance.
I have this picture of myself on the refrigerator: in my twenties, slim, great clothes, beautiful hair…and I should take it down. Really all it does is depress me. After all, it is completely unrealistic to dream that I might be her again. But maybe, if I try hard enough, I can be the person I know I can be. I think I will follow your lead.
{{{Jane}}}
Jane, you would love Eckhart Tolle! Listen to The Power of Now on audio-CD. Did I already tell you this? I can’t remember! (grin)
Anyway, you are doing the RIGHT thing–you’re aligning yourself with WHAT IS. That kind of surrender to the moment is what empowers you to go in the direction you want to go. Don’t you feel that special peace that comes with accepting where you are right now? That peace is your fuel.
Hugs,
Kieran :>)
Great post, Jane. I can completely relate. I’ve been a turtle wishing I were a hare most of my life. Your outlook is great. I think I’ll work on embracing my inner turtle too.
Jane, just want to say that I loved this blog! You are a human being, with flaws, like the rest of us, so please don’t beat yourself up! I met you in Seattle last year, and have to say that you are one of the nicest, sweetest people I ever met! You are a kind, good person, don’t forget that!
Jane,
I loved this post. It described me. I lost myself when I had my second child. I quit my job to stay home and my bf died suddenly causing quite a depression. It lasted about 2 yrs. I slowly climbed out of that and just recently started to realize that I have found a new me. I am not the person from before…I don’t know if that’s even possible. But what I do know is that I have finally become a happier, more confident me and that works. My son turns 6 in 2 weeks and the amount of growing I have done is amazing. I was a shell of myself and now I am a whole person. It was a painful and dark process but I know you can do it. Just remember you are loved by so many…including me 🙂 I am here if you ever need a pep talk!!
Cindy
Jane, I already posted last night, but I forgot to mention a herbal thing I got at the health food store a couple of weeks ago, it’s called MacaSure (this one is distributed by a Canadian company Sequel Naturals in Vancouver, B.C.), but there are other companies that make it. The lady told me the maca root is a staple in the Peruvian diet, and it is supposed to help stimulate and regulate hormone functions, give you energy, stamina and help reduce stress. I had been feeling like my hormones were completely out of whack and I was feeling very emotional over the last several months, I thought maybe I was going through early menopause or something, but it turns out everything is normal after a full doctor’s checkup. So I went to the health food store again, and found this herbal supplement seems to be working for me, I’m even sleeping better. (I have also adopted a new years resolution of trying not the “sweat the small stuff”, so the improved mindset could be part of it too, but I do think this supplement helps, so I thought it worth mentioning).
Be patient, let go and let God. I think it’s great to be a turtle, we rush through life and miss the scenery otherwise.
I’ve been feeling this way lately especially with my “diet” – I’m hanging on by a thread, knowing full well I could do more but trying to just be happy I haven’t totally thrown in the towel…
They DO say slow and steady wins the race, that can’t be for nothing, right?
Slow and steady is not a terrible thing… hard to accept sometimes, but the journey is worthwhile. And as far as being a turtle goes, just remember how beautiful tortoiseshell can be and how long it takes to grow one.
You’ll definitely get where you want to be, Jane, and hopefully you’ll be able to enjoy the ride, see the scenery and smell the flowers — which cannot always be done while sprinting.
jane….great blog! remember everything that you have accomplished so far in life. you’re truely an amazing lady, mother, author, etc…we all need to slow down and smell the roses.
I think Jan/March is turtle season for most of us. Longer, warmer days will help us cope better. I know it will for me. It’s +5 with a bitter windchill in MN.
Hi Jane. Being a turtle is ok. It is not how fast you get there but staying committed to the journey. (HUGS) I am a turtle too.
Jane,
I’m a new fan of your writing – and I mean big fan. So now that I’ve looked at your web site I’m a fan of your blog! Thanks for being so real.
I wish for you brilliant writing.
I wish for you a healthy body.
I wish for you grace in your slow progress through turtlehood.
I can feel the funk you are in and I am so sorry you have to go through that right now. I think there are alot of contributing factors that you could possibly change. If it’s possible to take a short break in writing while you’re in this burn out, all the better. Can’t write good stuff if you can’t concentrate and make it a priority. You’ve been really unhappy with the post Mac weight and while you are trying, perhaps you should step it up with either joining a fun and motivated class of dancing, aerobics, yoga, or whatever including considering a personal trainer. Washington weather can be gloomy, certainly not Hawaii, but spring is on it’s way, Ty will be back soon and the future is very bright. It’s ok to stall and stop, better to pick up and move along (at any speed) while the body and mind are in conflict. Life is good and it won’t always be this way for you. Accept the things you can’t change for the time being and I know things will fall into place for you. You’ll see. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us again…this too shall pass. Hugs Jane…you are loved by everyone that you have touched, family, friends and fans…Ruth
This is what I love about your blog, Jane, it’s so real and honest. I feel as if so many of the things you go through or think about is the same things either myself or my girlfriends go through. There is such a common theme with women, experiencing many of the same things at the same stages in life.
This week I heard a term, Kaizen. It’s roughly translated into the Japanese practice of making small improvements moment by moment so that there is collective big change at the end.
I organized one cabinet yesterday that had gotten out of control. This morning I put a little less creamer in my coffee.
Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.
Shannon-Nicole in Arizona
Jane, I was reading over the replies to this blog, and I am so impressed with the women here. What a caring, intelligent, supportive, and giving group of readers you have. Gee, your readers sound just like YOU! 🙂
You’re exactly right you do empower others. You’ve been an inspiration to me through your writing and your blog.I’ve stepped out of my box through words and you’ve been apart of that. Maybe it is just the time for you to be this Jane, the “turtle Jane”. We all have stages of our lives we go through. I know some of them we would like to crawl slowly through and enjoy them forever but some we’d like to go through so fast it’s like it happened when we slept. It’s ok if you feel like you are going slow it is surely for a good reason.Keep writing Jane in all mediums. I may be across the map from you down in the heartland but your words are friends to me. Thank you and I hope your book deadline is fairing well for you as well as your ex’s recovery.
Gena
Hmmm… This is why I connect so much with your blog and books…because you share who you really are and what you really feel.
I, too, feel the same way. It’s so hard to stay motivated. We all have those days (weeks?/ Months?), and I think the weather really plays a role in our outlook.
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
Jane, Thank you for your blogs. We are all human and we all struggle at times. You are a beautiful turtle.
Jane, This is a first for me. I am always an observer, but do not respond to blogs. BUT, I wanted to share with you a poem I often read to our now 35 and 31 year old sons called “The Little Turtle” by Vachel Lindsay It goes:
“There was a little turtle, He lived in a box, He swam in a puddle, He climbed on the rocks. He snapped at a mosquito. He snapped at a flea. He snapped at a minnow, And he snapped at me. He caught the mosquito, He caught the flea, He caught the minnow, But he didn’t catch me.”
This may hopefully just be a short turtle time for you, kids grow, people get well, our bodies change and can get better. Enjoy your good times and as my mother used to say, “Let the water run off your back!”
I understand how you are feeling. It seems a lot of us do. As women we tend to be the great givers, but then take too much of ourselves. The last two weeks I have spent a lot of time thinking about something similar. Who am I? What am I doing? Where am I going? Why am I not where I should be?
I am thankful for you and that you are able to share with us.
I was just talking to my daughter about this. Drastic changes have never worked for me. I have to slowly change bad habits into good ones.
Life is full of struggles and sometimes we just have to sit back, look at what we have and forget those extra 10 pounds, the dirty dishes, and loads of laundry. Problem is that I find I’m so programmed to do it all, have it all, that I sacrifice my sanity. Thank you for your post, it helps us all.
“there are no wrong moves”
that’s the mantra I’ve been learning as of late — and where ever the time went it must have been the way it was supposed to be spent, whether it was out at the pool with a book, time with friends or, time spent eating peeps :)it was what was most needed then.
the more difficult part is reminding myself (ourselves?) the time is gone, so pushing against how it “should have” been spent, is an exercise in futility (and frequently brutality!)
but like so many others here have said, I think when we’re not juggling 40 different things on fast forward, we berate ourselves for being lazy. when in reality, its some much needed, well deserved, self-nurturing!
P.S. Jane, I just found you and your books last week, and wow, wow, wow! — Flirting with Forty was the first, and what a story, and what an eye-opener. When I hit page 76 and Jackie said “Suddenly I see what I’ve never seen before and it so clear it make me want to scream. I’ve grown old waiting for life and happiness to find me” … all I can say is thank you for those words, for the wake-up call. It touched me clear to my soul!
Jane,
Keep your head up! You have so much to be proud of in your life & I think you are a little too hard on yourself. It’s OK to step back, re-evaluate & just take things a little slower, one day at a time. There’s nothing wrong with that – if it’s going to make you feel better, then just go for it!
Cheryl
Jane, you are an awesome, caring, gifted and kind person. I can tell just from your blogs and your kindness in giveaways. You are a ‘do for others’ person.
It is okay to feel like someone that you were at one time is missing. I’ve been there but for me it was the person of ‘I used to be able to do that/I used to do this and that’. It bothered me to no end that I could or would not do certain things that seemed a way of life at one time. I finally realized that I had changed, circumstances had changed and it was fine. Take care.
I like your turle analogy. It is good to be the turtle sometime and not get so caught up in trying to be the hare. Thanks for reminding me to slow down, and yes I’ll get there, and the journey is the most important part.
I enjoy your blogs 🙂
Wow … this one sure hit home! I’ve pretty much always been a turtle, but do tend to beat myself up over it. Thank you for reminding me that turtles can be winners, too … and they get to savor the race a little longer! 🙂
I had never thought about being a turtle. I like it. A pace I can keep up with and not feel guilty. I recently finished college after many years of putting it off. Since then, I haven’t wanted to commit myself to anything more that a lunch or dinner out. Just needed to feel like I had the control of my life back so I gave myself permission to just enjoy life.
No worries Jane. We turtles need to stick together. 😉 I like to think of myself as a late bloomer, but I like the term turtle. Love your inner turtle, because you have done wonderful things.
Oh my gosh Jane, I am SO with you on this! Seems I have been struggling internally with this same thing myself for months. I feel like I need that small slice of ME time that I just no longer get. And the workout time lost is probably the hardest. It is affecting me emotionally as well. I’ve always been that driven person and lately it just hasn’t happened. But slower is ok. It’s quality right? Baby steps. . .
I finally embraced my inner turtle and then I realized the silly rabbit wasn’t far behind. We are both! Sometimes we are rock stars in one area but not in another. Striving to be better is what keeps us alive. But, I also learned to take time to reward the good I produce and the success I achieve. BALANCE!
Interesting analogy…think about it, a turtle has a hard exterior and very soft fragile interior. They hope their shell can protect them, however they MUST emerge to move forward. Don’t be afraid to stick your head out and hold it up high. All shells get damaged and tarnished over the years and through the tough battles of life. Internally however, we become wise and clever. Lifes experiences make us who we are and don’t be afraid to be a little less than “perfect”. Acceptance and being humble say a lot about us. You must learn to love your shell, it is who you are be proud of that! XO
Love this post and all the comments. Turtles also have very long life spans! Enjoy the journey.
Hey there Jane
Greetings from sunny Florida. Looks like you’re having a rough time. Sending you a cyber hug. It’ll all work out. Things change and no one can control them. I tell my kids all the time. You’ve just got to adapt, do your thing and remember all the stuff you can do and keep remembering the good stuff.
You have a great voice and I love your blog.
Take care
Food morning everyone! Wow, so many awesome, thoughtful, insightful and encouraging comments. I am positively glowing today in my tortoise shell. THank you to all for making this a truly interesting discussion.
I do have a winner for the Turtle Blog. 🙂 I picked #82 Jennifer. Jennifer, congrats! Send me your address and I’ll get your fun box out.
Jane
Just remember that you are worshiped by 4 beautiful guys in your life. No matter what kind of day you are having or how you are feeling towards yourself, they are loving you constantly. Being there for yourself is hard as a working mother, but take it slow….spoil yourself and remember above all that you come first. 🙂
Boy Jane do I ever know how you feel. Cheer up it will get better and what is wrong with being a turtle anyway? I have been one for awhile now and you know what? It is a lot more fun. Around here if someone asks are you a turtle your response is supposed to be “you bet your sweet a_ _ I am!” There was a time when I wasn’t and now that I am older I find, that it was a sad time in my life. So slow down and stop and smell the roses. That is what we are supposed to do, in this life enjoy everything and love everything. If you forget something that is okay. Life gives you what you give and you have given a lot to a lot of people and you are still giving, and you will be getting a lot, more than you will ever know.
Stay happy and don’t be sad about not being the hare any longer, (they do shed a lot), turtles don’t shed they just wiser!
Thanks for being there for all of us! Enjoy the boys and all that you have!
We enjoy your work so very much!
Anita
Turtles are cute!!! There is nothing wrong with being the turtle… he wins the race in the long run! 🙂 Hugs
Micole Black
Oh Jane, as you can clearly see from all the comments, we ALL struggle with the same things, CONSTANTLY!! My only advice is: Be gentle with yourself. Having goals and dreams is wonderful, and keeps us alive, but do not be too hard on yourself if you don’t accomplish it ALL right NOW!! We need those dreams and goals, to keep us going, to give us something to look forward to. We are all works in progress, or else we wouldn’t still be here!
Be kind to yourself, acknowledge all the amazing things you ARE accomplishing right now, being a great Mom, a wonderful writer, inspiring so many people, a loving, supportive partner, a good friend, etc…. Acknowledge where you want to go, but keep in mind how far you have come. Slow and steady wins the race girl!
Sending you love and light. 🙂
Ah, Jane.
Please cut yourself some slack.
I bet you’ve watched turtles swim in the ocean.
In their natural habitat, the world they belong in, the world they are meant for, they swim and look pretty cool. Lumpy, and lumbering they may be, but in the ocean they are light and free.
Remember that turtles are graceful too.
And give yourself the opportunity to regain your balance so that you can swim with grace again.
Jane,
I do love this turtle analogy. I think at some point we all struggle with this. I love this post and your honesty (one of the main things I enjoy about reading your blog)! Give yourself some time and good things will come your way…slow and steady!!!
Sending many hugs,
Meg
Oh, go easy on yourself, Jane! Sometimes we forget to give ourselves a break. It’s okay to evolve and leave behind the “old” you. It’s an opportunity to reevaluate who you are at this stage in your life and shoot for new goals and new definitions. Hugs to you!
Hey Jane, just read your blog. And it’s a good thing I did,cause I’m feeling the same way (Like a Turtle)! My daughter’s personality is definitely a turtle (She is always in her shell during school-afraid to come out of her shell and speak out-but when she comes home she breaks out of her shell to me and becomes a drama queen! Help! Your discussion about slowing down and becoming the turtle is just what the doctor ordered for me! Thanks for your blog, I’m not sure I would stay grounded!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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