We women work. Whether we are moms, holding down jobs, or juggling many hats, we women are busy and moms are the busiest people I know. Whether we work outside the home, or are home managing it all, we put in long hours and rarely sleep enough. And I only mind the work load when it cuts in to my time with the kids.
It’s cutting in right now and I’m struggling today over how little time I really have with son Ty and Mac. Twelve year old Ty returns to Bellevue Saturday morning and so far I have worked every day he’s been here. Yesterday I promised to take the entire day off and he was thrilled, and we were out at Sea Life Park having fun when a sitter called to say she had the afternoon free and could help me, and my brain melted. Instead of negotiating, or asking for another hour, or saying no, that I promised to do fun things with my kids, I left the park returned home so I could be at my desk at 1 pm. Ty was bummed. Really sad. And when I realized what an impulsive decision I made, what a knee jerk decision it had been, I felt so bad. I hate how pulled and conflicted I feel–I need boys but I must meet responsibilities. This book is late and I do have to get it in. It’s my job to write, and meet deadlines, and be professional so I will always have a career but I need to get better at time management and focusing so I don’t waste writing time on things that aren’t essential.
I haven’t always felt this fuzzy. Things seemed to change when I was pregnant with Mac and my brain hasn’t been the same since. I need my old brain back, too, the one that could focus and be quick and clear. It’s so much harder writing when I’m not mentally sharp. Not sure if its age, or hormones, or what, but I write much slower now, and then get discouraged at the lack of progress. But feeling bad accomplishes nothing. Feeling bad interferes with the writer part of my brain as well as my self-esteem. So I’ll suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and get back to the manuscript!
And before I do start writing again, I want to kick off the second week of my summer tote bag giveaway. This week’s beach bag contest runs through Friday night, and I’ll announce the winner Saturday morning. Be sure to check on last week’s contests to see if you were a winner. How to enter the new contest?Just talk to me! Tell me something, anything, and I’ll love it.
Have a good week everyone. It’s going to be a hard core work week for me, but then, fingers crossed I’ll have the book out Friday and the weekend to relax!